Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday morning to you all from wet and rainy Iowa.  Humidity is up and we are heading for a high of 93 tomorrow!! YIKES!  A little more heat that I am ready for.......ever!

It's Memorial Day weekend.  A time to remember those who have died for our country. Joel will be officiating at a special service for that this weekend along with his usual Sunday services.  I will be  in my recliner or on the sofa....s.t.i.l.l.  Enough said.

Thursday night we were able to listen on the phone to our grandson G.'s band concert.  It sounds a bit different than actually being there, but our son called and Joel and I were each on a phone on this end quietly listening.  Such joy to hear it and at least be a small part of.  We LOVE that!  We talked to G. afterwards and he said, "You missed the cookies after!"  A sense of humor like his dad!

Last night we watched, "We Bought A Zoo" with! Matt Damon.  We loved this movie.   It was a breath of fresh air over some of the other stuff being produced.

Still reading "God's Healing Arsenal" and  "Healing The Sick."  Need to find some fiction to read now too!  What are you reading?

Until next time...........

So Many Questions, So Few Answers

I have been catching up on a few posts today and noticed a theme.  Upnorth over at My World  had been able to get out and enjoy a different view of nature, but spent most of the time laying down and seeing a window view of Lake Superior.  Sue over at Learning To Live With CFS is much more active than Upnorth or myself, but she, too, is crashing from overdoing and using too much energy from her body's precious supply.

Monday night I decided to take my second 3 minute walk of the day.  Only.  Three.  Minutes.  I had been doing this for a week, but for reasons beyond my understanding, I crashed before I even got back to the house.  Yesterday I spent the whole day laying flat on the sofa, not eating, dozing, and praying~a lot.      sent out a request to the prayer group I lead, The Knee Team and hoped that this was not a month long relapse like in the past.  So far it isn't.  I am actually sitting up today and doing a bit more.  Still, it is fragile and I am being careful.

What happened? Why could I walk around Younkers for half an hour last Friday and do fine?  Why could I walk for a week, but not for a week and 1 day?  What other factors came into play? Was it the meals I was fixing, clean up I was helping with, or other added little chores I was attempting to put into my days?  Did I not catch the body's signals?   Did the body's ability to replace the energy needed just fizzle out?  Why is Upnorth doing so poorly this year?  Why is Sue having so much brain fog right now and that heavy gravity feeling we get when the muscles do not have the energy they need??

So many questions......................so few answers!


If nothing else, CFS/ME is unforgiving when we do too much.  BUT the problem is, "too much" shifts and changes on a whim.  So, I can waste my energy stewing over this, or just give the body what it needs right now, and focus on the good things going on.  I AM doing more.  I have been helping with meals often and helping with clean up too and I have washed a couple of loads of laundry and also helped Joel wash the storm door this week.  I also have been on the phone more.  I am walking twice daily, well at least I was :)  All this is GOOD.

Most importantly my crashes last a few days, NOT weeks or months.  I think I will focus on these things and the great time Joel and I had going for that short little walk, even with the results being less than what I desired.

So many questions..............but still, progress!  So few answers..........but still, progress!!!

Saturday's Scribbles

Hey, good Saturday morning to you!  It is going to be a hot one today with temperatures rising to 87 again, lots of wind and low humidity.  We did not even need the A/C until before bed yesterday because the air is so dry.  Montana weather here in Iowa~I am loving that!!!

Speaking of other things I am loving, last Saturday I was able to visit with two sets of my extended family.  My sister that raised me and my brother/nephew and his girlfriend came before the graduation party and then my other brother and wife plus another family member came after the party.  What fun for me.  I had not see them for 2-3 years!  And no crash or reactions to their fragrances either.

I also made a trip out to Younkers, a large clothing store.  No big deal for most everyone, bit for someone with chemical sensitivities it IS a big deal.  I needed new pants in the worst way.  I have two pair that I can wear out in public and one pair is 10 years old and the other pair is 12 years old.  I. am. not. kidding!  I was able to bring home several pairs and try them on, with Joel returning those that did not fit.  So, finally I have something to wear in the world.  Only a minor headache as a result, since I wore my mask part of the time.  Yahoo!!  I am liking this getting out more.  I went flower shopping last Wed.

It is good porch sitting weather.  Joel and I  sit out there for morning devotions and quiet time when we can and at night when all is still.  I may have told you before............okay, a few times I am sure~
we love our porch!

Our granddaughter A. had a concert this week and her mom, Beth could actually send us an audio recording of some of the songs via email so we could listen to her play.  That was GREAT!!!!  We certainly are blessed to have these opportunities due to the Internet.  When Joel went to their house a few weeks ago to watch the kids in a play he recorded a couple of the numbers with his phone and I could watch that.  I am not there for them, but at least I see some of the activities they are in and enjoy that.  Maybe some day it will be different.

A friend/parishioner from a former congregation here in Iowa was in a terrible farm accident  a couple of years ago.  He is literally a walking miracle according to Mayo Clinic in MN.  They did an actual video of him to share all of what they did to save his life, etc.  Now Guideposts is going to have the story in their magazine Angels On Earth.  How exciting!  Miracles do still happen!

 We did not watch any movies this week and book reading has been limited so I am still reading through God's Healing Arsenal.  Hope you are finding time to read!

Until next time...................

No Bully Zone

IS

There

A 
Bully

Living

In

Your
Head?

I have been listening this past week to the Tapping Summit put on by Nick Ortner.  He has had several therapists, life coaches, EFT teachers, and more sharing their expertise with using EFT ~ Emotional Freedom Techniques in their practices.  EFT is used to release trapped emotions and heal emotional issues that get lodged in our bodies.  Our body's energy often gets "stuck" causing the body distress that can eventually be one of the components for disease or disorders.  There is such an amazing mind, body, soul connection!  

So, in one of the interviews I listened to, which happened to be on perfectionism,  the therapist asked this question of the audience ~ "Is there a bully living in your head?   Wow.  Did this resonate with me....I confess that more often than I like there is this voice that says negative things, often making me feel like I did not do enough or do it right.  I never thought of my inner voice as being a bully.  A bully living in my head.  

Do you have a bully living inside your head?  Does this bully have a name?  What does this bully say to you to make you feel bad?  Can you replace this bully with a friendly voice?  These are good questions to mull over.  Next time you or I start to say negative things about ourselves, be aware of that bully.  Remember bullies do not have any power except that which we give them.  Get rid of it and give yourself a little TLC.  Make your head a "NO BULLY" zone!

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday morning to you from our corner of the world.  It is a nice day here, and I am enjoying the fresh Spring air.  Joel purchased a hanging basket with ivy geranium in it (one of my favorites) and we plan on getting some pansies soon.  Time to add some color and joy to our view!

Speaking of color and joy, today is a joyful day for me as my older sister who helped raised me is going to be in town for her great-granddaughter's graduation party so she will stop by to visit.  I have not seen her for two years  and we live only two hours apart.  We talk on the phone every week, but getting together is difficult.  Isolation at its worst.  Will be nice to give her a hug and have a face to face talk.

Our other birth sister is in Las Vegas for her granddaughter's wedding.  All four of her kids flew there  to celebrate.  It is not often they get together, so she was excited about celebrating a wedding and Mother's Day with the family!

It is Mother's Day weekend!  To all of you moms out there and to all of  you who mother others, I hope your day is super special!  This is Joel's first Mom's Day without his mother, mine has been gone for many years.  We honor and miss them.  We turn our thoughts to our daughters and daughter-in-love, wishing them a day as special as they are to us and their families.

Our neighbor's grandson is back and he is quite a big boy now at age 3.  We heard him before we saw him as he said loudly over and over again from behind the screen door of his grandma's house~ "I need to go outside!  I go outside!"  He is at that exploring age....I watched him climb up on the top of the bench on the deck and peek into the bird feeders...then turn around and look to see who could be watching before he started swinging the feeders back and forth!  Then he jumped down and picked up a stick longer than him and took off running.  About then this grandma started to worry so I just turned away from the window and reminded myself that he was not my concern, especially since his grandpa was right there!  Little Calvin and his parents are moving only 2 hrs away from his Gr. and Gr. and all are very excited about that!  Hey, that means we will get to see him more.  I wonder if he knows about his "stalker grandparents"  across the yard!

Joel and I watched a "B-" movie last weekend, "Bed and Breakfast".  It was cute.  I am still reading God's Healing Arsenal~ this is not a book you read lightly~ Our oldest, Bethany and her family, gave me a Richard Castle book for Mom's Day.    Spin offs fom the show "Castle" which we enjoy so much.  What are you reading?

ME/CFS Awareness

Tomorrow is May 12th, CFIDS/CFS/ME Awareness Day.  It is a day set aside to recognize those who suffer with this illness and to educate others about this devastating, life altering disease.

I just read an excellent post on CFS/ME over at Linda's blog, At Home On The Rock.  It explains things so well, I am going to refer you there.  Thank you Linda!

Today I was thinking about all those who suffer with this illness.  I think about my Alaskan friend Linda who has been bedridden for years.  She even has to take an ambulance to the dentist.  She lives in one room and has a caregiver.  This was not the plan she had for her life.  And then there is Rose who is on cloud 9 right now because she is going to be able to get a wheelchair that she can lay back in so she can get out into the world once in awhile.  Her positive attitude inspires me.  Lets not forget our fellow blogger buddy, Laurel who lives with her parents~ seldom having energy to leave her room or speak for long periods of time.   There are others~Sue, Dominique, Elaine, Upnorth, Suella, Sharon, and hundreds of thousands more who struggle every single day to manage the precious energy they have while attempting to live their lives as daughters, moms, friends, and spouses.

WE

Need

A

Cure

Life With Lyme

I read a post over at Alyson's cyber home here, Adventures In Lymeland that describes the life of people being treated for Lyme and co-infections.  It is such an unpredictable dance that thousands are experiencing on a daily basis.  Across the board I have been amazed, humbled, and encouraged by the strength and hope those with Lyme show day after day, year after year, treatment after treatment.  Those with Lyme want to be well, they want to be productive, they want to live full lives.  They want the opportunity to be all they were meant to be.

Joel and I both have lived with Lyme for nearly 30 yrs.  Joel did not have Lyme that long, but I have and it spills over unto those you love.  It is devastating, it is frustrating, it is challenging.  We have tried to share our journey here..........the good, the bad, and the ugly.  We pray that it has been helpful.

For those with Lyme who need a voice~We need a cure. We need the truth about Lyme to be available to all.  We need support.  We need help.  We need hope.  Every person reading this blog is one tick away from Lyme Disease.  Educate yourself and be informed~ check yourselves, your pets and your children.  Take it seriously.  S.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y ~ your life may depend on it.

To Be Is Enough

Do 

you 

need

 to 

do 

MORE

in 

order 

to 

be

ENOUGH?

How would you answer this question?  The old me ~ the me for so many years~ would have ignored the question because it was a question that would have revealed and vibrated with what I believed deep inside.

I 

never

did

enough

I

never

was 

enough

How about you?  Here is the truth.  The truth that somehow gets lost in the need to please others, the need to shine, the need to perform, the need to obey, the need to feel good about ourselves.  The truth is that is us~ imperfect and beautiful as we are........

Just

being

Just

living

Just 

breathing

Created

to

BE

WE
ARE
ALREADY
ENOUGH

Nourishing Ourselves

How do you nourish yourselves?  I asked this question of you readers in my last post.  I think it is sometimes difficult to answer such a question without appearing to be selfish.  My homeopathic doctor, Dr. L, keeps insisting I nourish myself, asking what I need to be fulfilled, to safe, to be content.  She keeps reminding me to love myself the same way I love my family and make sure that my needs are met in a balanced way with the needs of others.

Truth be told it feels like all I do is talk about myself, focus on myself or walk around with my nose in my belly button.  I can be very self absorbed.  But being self absorbed does not mean I am nourishing myself.  So here I am following through on Dr. L.'s request and putting it out for my corner of the cyber world to read.......finding ways to nourish myself.

As people who are dealing with limited activity and a full time job treating disease in our bodies, how do we accomplish this?  For me one major way I used to feel nourished was when family came to visit.  It filled me with joy and many happy memories.  Unfortunately, we seldom see our family now, often only once or twice a year. Since I cannot travel, that is the only time I am able to hug on the grandkids. Needless to say, it is not how we thought it would be.  Facing the reality of this, it certainly would not make sense to have that as #1 on my list anymore.

Relationships are a good way to nourish ourselves, but how do we nurture relationships when we live in isolation?  Interacting with people is vital for our emotional well being but difficult at best when we are so sick.  I often think about what I would do if Joel died before me.  He is often the only person face to face that I  talk to for weeks.  For this reason I have told God I need to go before him or we both need to leave at the same time as is Joel's request!  Getting back to relationships, I know many of you are able to have friends and get out places.  The rest of us do what we can from the confines of our own homes, connecting through phone calls, texting, emails, Facebook, and blogging among other things.

I enjoy reading, writing, watching certain TV shows, drawing, watching birds, gazing on flowers and of course there is our porch sitting!   Recently I read about upnorth over at My World, who is mainly bedridden at this time, but got outside to just sit and soak up nature and watch her dog at play.  And Ginny goes in the car for rides with her hubby to get out of her Lyme world.

It nourishes me to lead the prayer group I am in too.  Just feels good to serve God in some way and help others.  Another way we nourish ourselves is to reach out and help someone else.  Encourage, inspire, support, respect, and love on others.  I see that over and over in the blogging community.

But I think there is more to this assignment I have been given!  How do we take care of ourselves? We treat ourselves with compassion, love, and respect, and we expect the same treatment from others.   I thought about upnorth's decision to not go back to the GI doctor who treated her so badly.  Taking care of herself!

Nourishing ourselves~ Giving our bodies, minds, and spirits what they are asking for.  This brings to mind Dominique, who has worked so hard to give her body and soul what it needs the past year and look at how well she is doing!  Taking care of herself!  

And what about how we speak to ourselves?  Anyone here beat themselves up for how their illness has affected those they love?  Listen to you self talk!  What do you say to yourself?  "This will never end..."  "Why did I DO that?!"  "This must be my fault"  "You did this to yourself"  And more and more......We speak life or death with our words.  Don't deny your feelings,  but at the same time harness your emotions so they do not rule.   And with all of this comes a HUGE dose of GRACE and FORGIVENESS.  ACCEPTANCE and SELF LOVE.  COMPASSION and did I say, FORGIVENESS?!!!  Toni's book, "How To Be Sick" has some wonderful thoughts on this.

Yes, I have discovered that nourishing myself is going to take longer than one semester of work!  Maybe a lifetime ~ but we only need to think about one day at a time.  That is what we are given to treasure and embrace.

How do you nourish yourselves?

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday morning to you from our hot and humid corner of Iowa.  I always seem to long for places in my past when the humidity and dew point rise.  I miss the dry climate of Montana, New Mexico, and Utah where we used to live.

Speaking of that, I remember one time when I was painting one of our bedrooms in the parsonage in Montana, and started to feel really hot and sweaty.  Usually I tolerated the dry heat well, so wondered what the problem was until I realized the temperature was 103!  Here is the Midwest 103 would have me behind closed doors and windows with the a/c on and glass of iced tea in my hand.   We did not have a/c there but it cooled down so much at night that a fan would do the trick.

There are things I miss about NE Montana, mostly the friendly people and the beautiful sunsets.  The small town we lived in at that time did not have paved streets, so things were gritty when the winds blew.  When we lived in N. Central MT it was rugged, and you could drive for miles without meeting a car or even seeing a ranch. It was you and the antelope, eagles sitting on fence posts and cattle roaming the hills.  That was before cell phones, so you always carried along blankets, extra outerwear, and food in the winter, just in case you got stuck somewhere.  Brutally cold!

I am a bit behind in my blog reading and email support group this week.  I have had a few bad days as we try to adjust the homeopathic remedy so the "aggravations" are not so strong.  A couple of Skype appointments with Dr. L has me focusing on "nourishing myself" in her words. How do you all nourish yourselves?  I think across the board most women especially do not do a good job of that!
 
I was able to get out to a Hallmark store this week using my carbon mask. I was testing the waters so to speak and I did end up with some brain fog and a slight headache.  I think part of the issue with any store I go into is the chemicals used to clean.  I went for a couple of rides last weekend, just need to get out when I can.  Of course we are doing some porch sitting too.  The air is so fresh after several days/nights of rain, but no mosquitoes yet to speak of.

Last weekend we watched "The Descendants" with George Clooney.  For some reason we thought it was a comedy and it definitely was not!  It was good, but the language was terrible.  I am still getting through the book, "God's Healing Arsenal" which is quite thick and filled with good information to absorb.  What are you reading?

Until next time..........